Crossdresser and the unknown girl

Hey lovies, as I went back in my old Appartment, I used and still use a Site where you can meet Tgirls, Crossdresser, Transgender, Males, Females, Lesbians, etc etc. But honestly, most of the users there are older males in stockings with a fat belly and if you´re lucky some makeup. They use to call me "Sister". Hell no, I am not their Sister. Not at all. I would prefer it if they call me "Son", or something like that, considering they are usually as old as my parents. Anyways, it was March 2021. One of those Dudes which wear female clothes, but not use make up at all, wrote me from time to time. How sexy I am etc etc. I answered here and there, cause usually, if people don´t piss me off and act polite, I am polite too. So this dude in female clothes, which knew that I am mostly into females and feminine tgirls, told me he met a female. On a Site for Swingers. He dated her. But she told him he is to masculine for her. She wants a feminine tgirl. So he proposed me. Great. I am just a Crossdresser, but ok.

So he gave me her phone number, and he gave her phone number to me. We wrote a few times, and decided to meet quick. To much bla bla is never good. So she went to my home at night. It´s dark on my street, I waited outdoor. Dressed as male of course, I didn´t want my neighbours to see me as female, even it was Night outside. I dressed cool, fine jacket, styled my hair, bought before a bottle of wine. So there she was, I didn´t see much, it was dark. The light in front of my house is ok, but you don´t see much. She followed me upstair to my appartment. I checked her out before going upstairs. She was small, even I am not tall, but she was much smaller. Nice Butt, cute face, a lil belly, like females use to have.

 She was charming, can´t complain. And she also was clever, it was nice to talk to her. In my appartment I gave her some Wine, and went in another Room to dress as female. That was the plan for the evening. I tried to hurry up, using makeup and style as fast I could.  I dressed myself in a purple top, pink underwear, black leather pants and golden highheels and used blue nailpolish :p So I went back to her. Sitted next to her. She was an unknown Person. Had no clue how I should act. I drunk some Wine too. We started to talk about our experiences. I told her that my last GF had Borderline, I dressed up with her and had Sex with her as Trans. She enjoyed it and screamed as there is no Tomorrow. Squirted and stuff like that. But she was hard to handle, told her that I hate People with Borderline. I didn´t mean it that way, I just was maybe a bit frustrated cause of my experiences. I have to say, I am not that easy going Person neither. I guess I have a touch of Borderline too, mixed with some narcissism and maybe I am a bit paranoid too. So I am not a dream partner for females. Not at all.

I should have know it on her reaction that she has Borderline too. Later she told me that she goes to Docs cause of that since 18 years. I felt bad. Maybe I hurted her even I ddin´t want to hurt her. I continued to talk to her. She laughed, touched my body again and again. Then she was distanciated. Then she told me that I look sexy, I have stunning legs and I know how to present myself. But she looks for a Tgirl with breasts. And I have no breasts. Ouch. There it was again. The reason why many females decline me. It was not the first time that happened to me. Infact it happens very often. That females decline me, mostly virtual as tgirl, cause I have no breasts. That makes me think a lot.So if I have breasts, then I am great. If I don´t have, then I am ugly? Doesn´t my face, my body, my personality matter anything? That is very disgusting for me.

 Anyways, I don´t think this was the fault of this women. I think humans watch much to much porn. We all want perfection. In porn movies people look perfect, perfect angle, perfect make up, perfect light. From the right angle cocks look much bigger, butts look much bigger, I mean it´s an important business, they know how to do it. So there I was. Refused again cause of breasts. Cool. If I make breast implants, most normal females would decline me anyways. Cause they want normal males. With breasts I never can be a normal male again. That´s the dilemma of Crossdressers by the way. Not good enough for anyone. To feminine for normal females, to masculine for lesbian or bisexual females. Males prefer Transgender, but they usually want money. So let´s fuck some Crossdresser for free, that´s the thinking of males.

I gave my fur to this female. We dressed a bit. She told me that she visits swinger clubs. Yeah, that was the story what the male in clothes which met her before told me later. Good to know. I don´t judge humans which do this kind of stuff. Maybe it´s cool. I can´t talk about that. I never would visit any swinger club. I am a complicated Person. I would become active, just if I know that I am the most hung Person in this world. I don´t care if I am good at what I am doing or not. I expect from myself to be the best one, the greastest one. Otherwise, if I know it´s not possible, I prefer to do nothing and decline anything. Nobody knows who was the 2nd Person on the Moon, it was "Buzz Aldrin", but most humans don´t know that , cause they simply don´t care. Just the best one remains in our Minds. So I prefer to be forgotten, then being someone "which was ok". Ok is so Ok like, pretty unimportant.

 The evening was weird. She went back and forth. I like you, but I don´t like you. I guess she didn´t have done that with bad intentions. Not at all. I remember how my ex GF was. She liked me, but she didn´t like me. I was the best one and the most worse one at the same time. I didn´t react on anything. I could have, but I didn´t want to. Cause I was lost in thoughts. The tgirl thing, the breast thing. In some way I understood her. Even if I would have had breasts and looking perfect as Tgirl, probably I would want to touch only the best females ever. Not regular females, much to less for me. I think that´s a huge problem what females don´t understand. Trans, Crossdresser etc etc are rare. Good looking Transgenders are pretty rare. If you are a good looking Transgender, it´s like you are a very rich, good looking man, popular man. You have power. You want quality, you want the best of the best, not something average. That point females don´t understand I think. Online they can chose between any male. Cause even very good looking popular males, if they don´t get their balls emptied, they would walk down and take a average female, until they get a better one. But if it is about pretty Transgender, the females switch the role, they don´t decide anymore, the Transgender decides. But females are used to decide, so they don´t understand this point I think.

She left after maybe 2h. I drunk the rest of the bottle of Wine alone. In some way I was frustrated. But otherwise I was  not. I was not in the right mode to mess with a borderline Girl again. Not at that point of my life. I lost my dad a few months ago, ended up my relationship with my girlfriend. Lived alone with my teenage daughter. I felt so lonely, infact I hated any human on this Earth, also myself. Cause life felt so unfair for myself.

She gave me the rights to use the pics we made together. I mean she was open minded, that for sure. A few weeks later she wrote me again. She wrote "hey hurted soul, how are you doing etc etc."

I told her that I give a shit on humans, especially on females, they are sluts for me. I hate humans in General. They all can kiss my ass. I matter. Only I matter in my life, I will just use people, or better, just ignore them. Cause they ain´t worth even to talk to them. Humans are weak and time wasters. They all can fuck each other, do a lot of drama, cry around, do their weak human shit.I told her that I like females which had less sex. I don´t want to fuck the slut of the neighbourhood. I want clean females. I want females with honor. Before I fuck crap, I prefer to fuck myself.

She answered "You will end up alone".

I answered "Probably, but I prefer it that way then taking those which others didn´t want to be with".

Here at this point I want to say that she is not right, I am not right. None of us is right. Each human has his own way of living, own values, own experiences. I try to force people in my direction. Cause I have to rule. I want to own anything, I want to be better than anything. But I am dreaming. I guess she was more realistic then me. The world always turns around, things change. If you stop walking, then you are yesterday.

Me personal, I want to be yesterday. I am who I am. God made me this way, it´s not like I had to chose "I want to be alive, I was just thrown into this world as all others". I am catched in my mind. I never will be able to leave it. All I have are my values. My identy. I don´t want to change this or that for others, to be more loved, to make them like me. To respect me, to be a good one. I am who I am. For me it´s most important to be able to watch at myself in the mirror in the end of the day to say "good, you didn´t betray yourself". So I continue my way, my way, my thoughts, my life. I still prefer to be alone, then change myself for others. Even if I have to suffer for it. It´s ok, it was my decission.

Best regards from a tgirl without breasts :)